Alcoholic Angel
by Charlies-Angel123
Summary: BY LUCY: When a young lady is murdered, the Angels are hired to recover a diamond necklace that the killers stole. Please note: this story purely humourous, please do not take offence from any of the jokes included.


Note: This story is a comedy. Please note that I don't mean to cause offence to anyone, with some of the jokes included in the story.

Disclaimer: This story and its plot belong to me, but the Angels, Townsend Associates, Bosley, and Charlie are all property of Spelling/Goldberg Productions.

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Alcoholic Angel

The moon cast its silver rays across the front garden of a small house. A young lady was bustling around her kitchen. Then the phone rang. The lady, whose name was Dolores Millicent, walked out of the kitchen and into the hall, to answer the phone.

"Hello?" she spoke into the receiver.

"Dolores, I'm watching you," came a growling voice.

"Wh-who is this?" stammered Dolores, beginning to panic.

"You don't know me," said the voice. "But I know you."

"I-I'll call th-the p-police!" screamed Dolores. "Leave me alone!"

"Ok, Dolores," laughed the male voice. "As you wish..." he hung up.

Dolores slammed the phone down and sat down on the floor, shaking and scared. Then the doorbell rang. She trembled even more but got up and opened the door anyway.

She peered out into the gloom of her garden for the caller, but no one was there.

Then a shadowy figure appeared with a plastic cap gun in it's hand.

"H-hello?" called Dolores. "C-can I-I h-help you-?"

A shot rang out and Dolores slumped to the ground dead, blood trickling from her forehead.

Chapter 1.

"Charles Townsend Associates, how may I direct your call?" Bosley picked up the phone. "Uh-huh...yes, come right over."

He put down the phone and turned to the Angels that were sitting at the bar.

"Someone wants us to solve a little murder scenario," Bosley said to the trio. "She'll be here in ten minutes."

"Ok, Bosley," said Kelly, sipping a bit more Martini. "We're on it."

"You're on the drink by the looks of it," said Sabrina sternly. "And you don't to be drunk when whats-her-name gets here."

"Aaah, I'm just having a bad day...need something to take my mind of things," Kris sighed, swallowing a whole glass of whisky. "So, Bosley. who is this girl?"

"She is called Hannah Blah-De-Blah and was a close friend of Dolores--" Bosley began.

"Who's Dolores?" Kris interrupted.

"She's the women that was murdered," Bosley sighed impatiently. "So take that into account and be a little sensitive, ok?"

Kelly nodded understandingly and put down her glass. Sabrina also nodded, but with approval. They all turned to look at Kris who was downing another whisky.

"What?" Kris asked, spilling whisky down her tasselled cowboy top.

"Be sensitive!" The others snapped.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah....Oh, howdy there!" Kris waved at someone who had just entered the room.

It was a women wearing a white trouser suit. Her eyes were puffy and she seemed to have been crying.

"You must be Miss Blah-De-Blah," Sabrina said kindly, stepping up to shake Hannah's hand.

"That's me," Hannah sniffed, not shaking Sabrina's hand but brushing past her and looked around the office.

She stuck her nose up and sauntered over to the white sofa. She settled herself there and looked around expectantly at the three Angels. 

"Well?" she snapped. "What's to be done about it?"

"About what?" Kris asked, her eyes wide and her voice slurred from drink. "That dead women?"

Sabrina shot a very reproachful look at the drunken Kris and smiled sweetly again at Hannah.

"How can we assist you, Hannah?" Sabrina asked, sitting down next to Hannah.

Hannah sniffed at Sabrina and moved further along the sofa. Sabrina looked puzzled.

"You smell like Brie Cheese," sneered Hannah.

"Hahahahahahahahaha!" Kris's drunken laughter spun around the room. "Brie! You smell like Brie, Bri! Hahahahahahahahahaha!" She slapped the bar top with her hand and began to chuckle again.

Sabrina looked rather disgruntled and she stood up and moved away next to Bosley.

Kelly nervously sat next to Hannah next. 

"Can we help you, Hannah, or are you just going to be difficult?" she asked politely.

"Yes, well, I have a slight predicament," Hannah said. "Dolores had returned from visiting me when she was killed."

"And?" everyone chorused, except Kris who was still saying, "Brie cheese!" and chuckling drunkenly.

"She was wearing a necklace I gave her - a diamond one," Hannah added boastingly. "And now she is dead an no longer requires it, I want it back."

Sabrina just gaped, astonished by this awful woman. Kelly was trying not to look disgusted with Hannah, Bosley was looking around the office trying to find something 'interesting' to look at and Kris was still laughing about Sabrina. 

There was silence, broken only by Kris falling off her stool with a _thud_. She lay on the floor, laughing quietly while Kelly cleared her throat several times, trying to think of something to say.

Sabrina spoke again. "And?" she managed.

"The killer stole it," Hannah replied without a trace of sadness about the death of her friend. "I want you three to get it back."

"Where do we start?" Kelly asked.

Chapter 2.

"I still think she's a stuck up cow," Sabrina huffed after Hannah had left. "I mean, she doesn't even care!"

"I know, she must have been crying about the loss of her precious necklace!" Kelly exclaimed with outrage.

"She *hic* cracks good *hic* jokes though *hic*," Kris added. She then began to laugh as she remembered what Hannah had said to Sabrina.

Sabrina looked even more huffy but Kris carried on laughing.

"Just quiet down, alright?" Kelly snapped. Kris shut up.

"Yeah, I got a thought," Sabrina said slowly.

"Wow," Kris laughed.

Sabrina ignored Kris and carried on, "While we recover this necklace, why don't we try to find out the mystery of Dolores's murder?"

"That's a great idea!" Kelly and Bosley enthused. 

Kris hiccupped and began giggling again.

"The police said they found a bullet that wouldn't fit in any of the guns around today," Sabrina said as she paced around the room. "Which is impossible--"

"It could be a cap gun!" Kris shouted drunkenly. Then she giggled.

"Maybe you should go and...sober up," Bosley said to Kris.

Kris looked scandalised. "I'm *hic* not drunk!" 

"Uh-huh, sure, go and lie down, ok, Kris?" Bosley took Kris over to the sofa and she collapsed there, guffawing.

Kris had soon fallen asleep.

"That's better...now, where were we?" Sabrina asked.

"We were wondering what sort of gun it could possibly be!" Kelly replied.

"Yeah...I have no idea what sort of gun it might be though," Sabrina sighed.

"It might be a...oh, I don't know!" Kelly exclaimed exasperatedly. "This is hopeless! We don't even have any suspects!"

"Well, Hannah told me that Dolores was on speaking terms with this guy and his brother...they were from her work," Charlie's voice finally echoed out from the speakerphone. "And there are two people involved - the one that phoned up and the other that committed the murder."

"Oh, hi there, Charlie," Kelly smiled.

"Hello, Angel," Charlie smiled back. "Morning, Kris, Sabrina."

"Hi," Sabrina replied.

"Where's Kris?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, she said she was having a bad day, and she, ur...got drunk to _take her mind off things_," Kelly laughed. "We'll wake her up before we leave."

"Good good," Charlie said. "Well, good luck, Angels!" He hung up.

Sabrina woke Kris up, while Kelly gathered their handbags. Bosley grumbled and began to do his paperwork.

"Awww, Bosley!" Sabrina laughed. "Maybe you can come with us on the next case?"

Bosley grumbled again but secretly felt pleased with the attention.

Sabrina managed to wake Kris up, and she told her about the information Charlie had given them.

"Eurrrrrgh," Kris said groggily, and she poured herself another glass of whisky.

"I think you've had enough Kris," Kelly smiled.

"You can never have enough!" Kris began to giggle uncontrollably.

Sabrina and Kelly all exchanged glances with Bosley.

"You better go!" Bosley said, after a bit of a silence.

"Ok. Kris, come on," Kelly sighed and grabbed Kris by the arm.

Sabrina smiled her goodbye to Bosley, and then followed the others outside. Everyone got into Kelly's Ford Mustang, and Kelly drove off.

*

The Angels had soon arrived in the City Centre. A tall office building loomed into view.

Kelly parked her car up outside, and everyone got out.

The trio went into the building and arrived in a reception. Kelly was about to walk to the desk, when Sabrina stopped her.

Kelly turned to her with a puzzled look on her face.

"We need some codenames or something, in case we get into trouble," Sabrina took Kris and Kelly aside.

"What are we going to do about them then?" Kris asked.

"Well, if any of us get lost, or into trouble, get to a phone and ring the operator. Give the codeword 'Bo-gey' and ask to speak to 'Pug' - that will be Bosley," Sabrina told the others clearly. "Got that? Bo-gey, ask for Pug."

The others nodded, and then they walked up to the reception desk.

"Can I help you?" asked a blonde woman behind a desk which the Angels saw upon entry.

Kris cleared her throat, "Well, howdy there, I'm Kris Munroe, and I would like a jowb, please," she smiled.

"We don't have any jobs free at the moment, madam." said the woman.

"Well, pardon me, but I think you do," smiled Kris. "So, please, give me a chance."

Sabrina walked up next to Kris. "We heard about Dolores Millicent's murder," she said in a hushed voice. "Terrible thing...but it means that there's a job free, for my cousin, right?"

The receptionist looked startled and a little defeated. She stood up.

"This way, please," she smiled and led the way along a corridor.

Kris, Kelly and Sabrina all followed.

Soon, Kris was being led around the offices, being shown what to do and where to go.

Kelly was shuffling through the receptionist's files, for something about Dolores, and Sabrina was trying to find the two men that Dolores knew.

She wasn't having much luck, currently, but then all that changed. 

She was just wandering off to find the toilets when she heard whispers.

"Are you sure no one knows?" said one voice. It was low and growling.

"Positive...no one will ever find out about the gun we used!" the other voice said with a laugh.

"Good...Dolores is good as gone then."

"Well, duh!"

Sabrina couldn't believe her ears. She risked a peek through the keyhole of the door to the room in which the men were. A plastic gun flashed past.

"A...cap gun?!" Sabrina whispered to herself with alarm. "How dumb do you get! But, they sure fooled us...time to spoil the party I think." She stood up and opened the door.

"What are you doing, sneaking around like that?!" roared one of the men, who hurriedly hid the gun.

"Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here!" Sabrina lied.

"What business do you have here anyway?" snarled the second man, who had blonde hair. The growling man had brown hair.

"I was looking...for....my cousin!" Sabrina exclaimed. "Yeah, have you seen her?"

"What does she look like?" asked the blonde man.

"She's called Kris Munroe, she's new round here," Sabrina lied. "Have you seen her?"

"He asked what she _looks _like!" shouted the brown man.

"I...ur...I...um, I see I caught you at a bad time, I'll just go!" Sabrina babbled, running back out into the corridor. 

She slammed the door behind her, took a few deep breaths, then ran off to find the others.

Chapter 3.

"So, our two murderers are in this building," Kelly breathed. 

Kris took another sip of coffee (which Sabrina suspected might have whisky in.)

"Yep," Sabrina said, drawing her eyes away from Kris, who was looking rather dozy. Then Sabrina added, to Kris, "Did you hear that?"

"*Hic* Huh?" Kris hiccoughed. "Yeah, yeah, sure *hic*!"

Kelly tutted and took Kris's coffee from her.

"Hey *hic*!" Kris exclaimed. Then she slid sideways off her chair and lay on the floor, giggling for some reason.

Sabrina shook her head. "So, anyway," she said. "What's to be done?"

"We go and arrest them, get them to hand over the necklace and be done with it all!" Kelly brushed her hands together. "So, come on!" and she stood up expectantly.

Sabrina rose too, but Kris lay on the floor, hiccoughing and giggling alternately.

"Leave her," Kelly said to Sabrina. "Come on, Bri."

They set off down the corridor.

"Bri!" Kris howled with laughter. "Brie cheese! Bri smells like Brie, don't you Brie! I mean Bri! Or do I? *hic*"

Sabrina huffed again and quickened her pace.

Soon, the two Angels were outside the room which the two men were in.

"Ready?" Kelly whispered.

"Ready!" Sabrina replied.

They both leapt up and raised their guns to the heads of the murderers in the room.

"Freeze!" Kelly yelled.

The men raised their hands above their heads and dropped the cap gun.

Sabrina picked it up and put it in an evidence bag.

"Where is the necklace?" Sabrina asked.

"We don't know!" answered the brown man. "We only killed Dolores...ok, we took the rocks too, but we lost 'em!"

"Someone nicked 'em!" cried the blonde man.

"That doesn't clear you for theft or murder," Kelly snapped. "But it does clear you for having them on you...who could have taken them?"

"We don't know!" wailed the blonde man.

"Maybe it was..." the brown haired man trailed off.

"Who?" Sabrina asked.

"Maybe it was a friend of ours...she's called Hannah Blah-De-Blah." the brown man replied.

"But she assigned us to get the necklace!" Sabrina gasped. "Why would she steal it and then tell us to retrieve it?"

"That dirty double-crosser!" snapped the blonde man.

"Why would she do something like that though?" Kelly asked, bewildered.

"To create a distraction...?" Sabrina whispered. "What if she's been planning something else?!"

"We have to get back to Bosley," Kelly said hurriedly. "We'll take these two mooks with us!"

And they chivvied the men all the way back to Kris, who was just recovering.

"Who are they?" Kris asked.

"The murderers," Kelly replied quickly. "We'll explain on the way back to Bosley - now lets go, go, go!"

"Go Go Garrett, ha ha ha ha!" Kris laughed, but she remained sane enough to get back to Charles Townsend Associates.

The three Angels took the men inside and gasped and the sight that met their eyes....

Chapter 4.

Bosley was tied to his chair and there were broken bottles everywhere.

"Bosley, what happened?!" Sabrina cried, rushing to untie him.

That done, they all awaited his explanation.

"That Hannah Blah-De-Blah came here and attacked me," Bosley spluttered. "She tied me up and took off with all our alcohol."

"Is that it?" chorused Kelly and Sabrina.

Kris, however, looked distraught. "My whisky!" she wailed, shuffling along to the bar on her knees. "My beautiful whisky, all gone!"

"There, there, dear," Sabrina patted her on the back, looking at the others with a sigh.

Then the speakerphone buzzed. Bosley quickly turned it on and they all listened.

"Well done, Angels," said Charlie. "Another case solved...but what's wrong with Kris?"

"Just a little disappointment on her behalf, Charlie," Sabrina smiled, trying not to burst out laughing. "The lady that assigned us to this case made off with all the drink - probably an alcoholic!"

"She made a very good joke though," Kris cut in. "She said Bri smelt like Brie! Isn't that right, Bri? Sorry, Brie. Or is it Bri? Or Brie?"

"Shut up, Kris," Sabrina said, smiling sweetly though clenched teeth.

"I'll leave you to it, Angels," said Charlie and, with a click, his voice faded.

"Well, that's another case solved," Kelly said. "But if Kris carries on the way she is, she's going to end up being a Charlie's Alky!"

And everyone laughed like lunatics.

****

The End.


End file.
